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How to be a hero in the year 2020
My View from the Road
For the last few weeks, I have been in Wyoming on my sabbatical (all Placers team members take one every 10 years). I’m accompanied by my wife, Kim, and two Aussie Shepherds, Ziggy and Gracie, in a small cabin-style rental.
Nature has welcomed us into its embrace as short-term guests in a place where Elk, Mountain Lion, and Moose roam free. Everything seems bigger in the West: The sunsets on the mountains – or “Alpenglow,” the deep snow, and wilderness that stretches uninterrupted for miles. I’m just passing by. Admiring its humbling grandeur. What a feeling – mankind, as powerful as we believe we are, is no match for the great outdoors.
For the most part, I am approaching my sabbatical as a time to be still. As many of you know by now, I enjoy continuous action – creating a to-do list and crossing things off gives me a perverse sense of satisfaction. I’ve discussed the importance of carving out intentional moments of stillness – my sabbatical requires me to do this for four weeks straight. To celebrate the day for everything that it was and for everything that it wasn’t.
Three weeks into my sabbatical and I have a newfound appreciation for the small, seemingly insignificant, daily events. Seeing, for the first time, the unique intricacies of a snowflake. Appreciating the quirks of my dog, Gracie, as she turns her head inquisitively. I am taking notes from my senses – savoring and cherishing everything around me. The sounds of solitude, the great smells from cooking with Kim (me watching her), or the breathtaking vistas from the mountains that surround us in almost all directions.
How often do you get to the end of your day and are unable to remember anything specific?
It’s easy for life to become a series of repetitions until one day you look back and wonder where all the time went – you realize you haven’t partaken in your once-favorite hobby in years – you realize that your children are all grown up. It’s no secret that I’m a recovering workaholic – decades ago I prided myself on 100-hour work weeks, but now I realize that there is infinitely more to life than work. A balanced life enables me to actually be more productive as a business owner and servant leader. For three weeks I’ve been spending my “still” time skiing, reading, snowshoeing, and the writing I’ve always wished I had time for. All of this got me thinking – we can miss a lot on our journey towards “success.” We have tunnel vision – unable to see the small, beautiful details of life. Here’s what I could finally see when I took the time to slow down:- The awe-inspiring beauty of the sun setting on the mountains – The Alpenglow. The kind of scene that makes you stop in your tracks and realize how grateful you are for our planet. One that has so graciously accepted humankind as its guests.
- That I not only love my wife, but I like her too. If you’re in a long-time relationship, you know the difference. Having a life partner of many years that you still look forward to spending every day with? Well, that’s something I took for granted when I would wake up at 4:30 am to get straight to work. I could write a novel about Kim and how the world is a better place with her in it. Think about your loved ones – I’m sure you could, too.
- That everyone has a story to tell and getting to know “the whole person” is never wasted time – even in business.
- My dog’s smile. Gracie has been smiling ear to ear ever since we reached our destination. We opened the doors, and she dove right into the snow. Her smile makes anything worth a 2,200-mile sojourn.
- That we have an abundance around us. We have choices – we can work where we want, do what we want – our opportunities are plentiful even if they may not seem like it on the surface. For me, abundance is simple – the less I think about myself, the more I can do for others as a servant leader and for the community that we serve. In doing this, blessings come back to me ten-fold – even in the most obscure ways. That is true abundance – and it has nothing to do with money. Because in the end, the only thing that truly matters is the positive impact you make in the world. There’s nothing like watching the sunset on a mountain to remind you of that.
Leadership by Temper Tantrum
As a history buff, I recently read a short story about the fall of Napoleon. Yes, the Emperor of France who conquered most of Europe in the 1800s. In a famous event, Napoleon raced back to Paris from the battlefields after receiving intelligence that his two top government officials were apparently conspiring against him.
The story goes that Napoleon stormed into a room full of his government officials and the two “conspirators.” He screamed and yelled for hours saying he should fire them, interrogate them, and even have them hanged – yet, he had no proof. Without proof, he could do nothing but scream and rant in a way that eventually became comical as the rest of the room remained calm. The “conspirators” smiled politely. The angrier he got the more professional his team became. So, he left. His chief aide announced to the full room that it was so sad to see a great man stoop to such bad behavior.
It is said that this moment was when Napoleon lost his grip on his empire and his ability to lead the country. This was the beginning of his end.
To be a leader, you need to be respected by those around you. This respect isn’t guaranteed, it is earned. And it is not earned through temper tantrums. Our behavior as leaders impacts our organization’s culture more significantly than some inspiring words hanging proudly on the break room wall. The angrier the leader, the more ironic phrases like “employees first” and “happy employees equal happy customers” become. Your employees will see right through it – and so will your customers.
Instead, and this might sound counter intuitive, I was taught to repurpose the energy from anger into something positive. To intentionally use the energy as a leadership tactic – one that motivated myself, and those around me, to strive to be better than the day before.
Reactive temper tantrums, on the other hand, drive short-term and reactive thinking. You can’t avoid being angry – and you shouldn’t. But you absolutely need to have proper coping mechanisms in place to maintain the respect of those around you and to turn anger into positive results. I’ve outlined a handful of tips below:
How to navigate anger like an effective leader:
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- Maintain your composure. As a leader, it’s on you to set examples that you want others to follow. Whether you’re leading a multi-million-dollar business or a club at your university, the way you lead will determine the culture of your organization. Take the “high road” in every single situation.
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- Walk away. If something or someone makes you angry, remove yourself from the stimulus for 24 hours. Allow the feelings to pass through you and then approach the situation with a level head and a fresh perspective. Effective decisions are never made in anger. Take your time.
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- Know yourself. Effective leaders are self-aware. They recognize their weaknesses as much as they recognize their strengths – working to improve both every day. If you’re prone to anger, work in the background to understand where this tendency grew from and how you can confront and control it. There is no quick answer here and many people need help to regulate their emotions. Asking for help is never a sign of weakness.
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- Channel your energy. Anger is a normal response. While you can’t control how you feel, you can control what you do about your emotions. Take the energy that you feel when angry and turn it into something productive. Maybe this energy inspires you to make changes within your organization or maybe you use it to finally go after a goal you’ve had on the backburner.
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- Expect others to do the same. While you can’t control how those around you act, you can control what you tolerate. Successful organizations and individuals have no time for people who allow anger to rule their thoughts and behaviors.
To Move Forward, You Must be Still
If you’ve been part of the Outside Insights community for a while, you know how important I view goal setting and developing actionable steps to make them a reality. We set our sights on outcomes that we want to reach and then act with intention, every day, to achieve them – knocking tasks out one right after the other.
Goal setting, and the tasks that follow, are tactics for creating the life you want. But deciding what kind of life you want takes something else entirely – stillness. Dedicated time to do nothing but introspect. To take stock of not only what you’ve accomplished – but how you feel about it.
In 2006 my small business was five years old. I had spent the majority of those five years burning the candle at both ends – working through Christmas, birthdays, Sundays, it didn’t matter. My sole focus was on completing the tasks that I had attached to my goals. When I completed one, I didn’t waste a second before moving on to the next.
After a while – I became so goal obsessed that I lost sight of the bigger picture – and I lost touch with myself. Something needed to change – and it did. I realized that to move forward, you must be still.
How I Find Stillness
I’m still when I’m on the yoga mat, when I’m flipping through a good book full of dog-eared pages, or when my boots are trudging through the mud during a walk in the woods. Hell – I even found moments of stillness when I was scaling Mt. Rainier in frigid temperatures. It is in these moments that I turn my task-oriented brain off and allow myself the mental space to introspect on where I am, where I came from, and where I’m going. To ask myself if my goals and the tasks that support them are aligned with my values – if they support the wellbeing of myself, my family, employees, and customers.
When my mind is still, I’m alone with my thoughts – for some, this might feel uncomfortable. You might have to confront realities you’ve been avoiding, feelings you’re unfamiliar with, and truths you might not be willing to admit. And that is exactly why you need to do it.
Steps for Carving Out Moments of Stillness
1. Start small, but start today. Create five minutes in your schedule today where you do nothing but close your eyes and let the thoughts come. The uncomfortable ones, the optimistic ones, the seemingly irrelevant ones. You don’t have to process them today – but you must acknowledge that they’re there.
2. Find what brings you peace. I find stillness in yoga and in the woods – find what works best for you. Maybe you lie down and listen to classical music – maybe you dance or tend to your garden.
3. Make it a routine. When I first started blocking off regular time on my calendar for introspection, it felt like a burden. Do it anyway. I promise it will become a little slice of heaven that you look forward to every day.
4. When you’re ready – process your thoughts. After you’re comfortable with the idea of greeting your thoughts and feelings and letting them flow through you, you’re ready for the next step: identifying what they mean for you and what you need to do about them. You can start by writing common themes down or by creating a vision board. How do these thoughts and feelings align with the direction you want to go or the changes you need to make?
5. Do something about them. This is where you put your task-oriented brain back on to write out your goals and create a plan for reaching them. Persistence is key – you’re not going to get there by sheer luck. Show up for yourself, every day, to make your self-aligned visions a reality.
6. Repeat the process every day.
How do you find moments for introspection? What activities allow you to turn your thinking brain off? Have you had any epiphanies lately as a result? I’d love to know.
By the way, this week I’ve been preparing for my one-month sabbatical (all of my employees get one after 10 years of hard work). One month of stillness. I don’t know what ideas this month will inspire, but I’m excited to share them with you all when they come.
Wishing you many still moments this weekend.
Outside Insights: The Importance of Ice Cream for Breakfast
Recently, I connected with a dear friend and my first business mentor over breakfast – former radio executive, Cynthia Morgan.
Cynthia was the first business leader I met that “took me seriously” and set a high standard for the type of leader that I wanted to be. We met in a Dale Carnegie class in the mid-90s. Always active in the community, Cynthia was as good of a human as she was successful in business.
I was a young man full of ideas and promise, and Cynthia advocated for me to join the prestigious Wilmington Rotary Club at the ripe age of 25. Other members would joke that I was younger than their kids and brought the average age of the club down to 52 years young. Jokes aside, I was welcomed with open arms and developed many key relationships that I count on today.
For the past 20 years, Cynthia and I have been reconnecting every so often for breakfast or lunch – we always meet at Friendly’s, a local diner, and Cynthia always orders a banana split – regardless of the time of day. Have you ever eaten ice cream for breakfast? I suggest that everyone try it.
As we were wrapping up our most recent meeting, someone came up to us and said: “I don’t mean to eavesdrop, I just want you to know that in a negative world, you two are a positive force.” Wow. Thanks for making my day, stranger.
What would prompt them to say this? The comment had me thinking about Cynthia and the positive force that she truly is – a force that I strive to be.
Here’s what we can all learn from Cynthia:
- Cynthia is a giver and she makes others want to do the same. It’s never about her, it’s about who she can help. How can someone benefit from her connections? Can she help someone land a job? Or help solve a challenge they’re faced with? Whatever it is, she’s always searching for opportunities to support others.
- Cynthia has never had a bad day in her life. Okay, that’s not true. We all have bad days, but Cynthia chooses not to dwell on the negative. She is grateful for every day and it shows.
- Cynthia knows that the way to happiness is through service – and this is something we have in common. We get joy from giving and caring for others. We both believe that the best leaders are servants first. You’re never too busy, too important, too rich, or too poor to be of service to someone else.
- And the last lesson for today – for goodness sake, just live your life. Do the things you want to do. Order that big bowl of ice cream for breakfast. It’s your story – you call the shots.