ph1llipd, Author at Chris Burkhard

My Holiday Mantra: Nothing Negative Said, Nothing Negative Received

I had a recent flashback that I’d like to share with you all. Ten years ago I was finishing up my first year as the head coach for the local high school team. We were in the locker room debriefing on the season.

We didn’t win many games that season, but we had made progress. Not just in skill level but mostly, in the level of trust we had for one another and the values that we had learned to share. From the start of the season, the coaching staff had instilled a set of expectations for team conduct, attitude and behavior – and then let the team take it from there. Not your typical miss three practices and your benched kind of rules – but ones that gave our team the agency to learn, make mistakes and grow. The players bought in. I’ve always appreciated sports metaphors in business. There’s the obvious success metrics: the scoreboard in sports and the bottom line in business. Yet, during those years coaching, my players and staff taught me that there is more to the game than the score. To truly have a shot at being great, teams need to believe in something bigger. To learn lessons that help them grow on and off the field. Business is much the same – employees need to truly identify with their company’s values and mission, or there won’t be much keeping them from walking out. One of my favorite values that we instilled in my soccer team was: “Nothing negative said, nothing negative received.” To understand and appreciate this value, first answer this question: How do you receive or react to advice you are given? From your mom? From your boss? Or your great uncle at Thanksgiving dinner? You know, the one that won’t stop talking politics and won’t leave it at agreeing to disagree. If you’re like most humans, you get frustrated, a little defensive, and possibly shut down altogether. Oftentimes we interpret these interactions with a negative lens. We believe that an unsolicited comment is intended to hurt not help. But, we have a choice with how we react in these situations. You always have that choice. Here’s the thing: you’re the only one that has to sit with your negative feelings. Chances are, whoever made you feel a certain way will have long forgotten about it while you’re still simmering with negative emotions. By choosing to react positively or neutrally, even when you really don’t want to, you’re protecting your precious energy. So, next time you’re around your colleagues or your family as you gather around the Thanksgiving dinner this week, imagine that every comment came from a place of positive intent. You give people the benefit of the doubt. You don’t need to react in the heat of the moment. Most of the time, you won’t really need to react at all.

“Gratitude, help us see what is there instead of what isn’t.” — Annette Bridges

Recently, my leadership team at Placers adopted the “Nothing negative said, nothing negative received” value as one of a handful of stated ground rules for how we will behave and treat one another in meetings. Our team needs to get the most out of each other. We have to work together, challenge each other’s work, and hold each other accountable. Knowing our discussions are coming from a positive and trusting place will position my team to thrive.

“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”

— Craig Ferguson

If you’re new here, the intention of Outside Insights is to help people close the gap between where they are and where they want to be. It’s about discovering new ways of thinking and learning lessons that we can use in multiple facets of life. If living the spirit of “Nothing negative said, nothing negative received” helped my soccer team and my leadership team, perhaps it can help you too. As you gather with family and friends this holiday season, I ask you to please remember two lessons:

1. You have a choice with how you react. Always.

2. Apply “Nothing negative said, nothing negative received” and choose to take something positive from challenging interactions.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and all of our Outside Insights community. Until next time,

Chris

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At Placers we are making the following Acts of Kindness Promises: We will be your career coach free of charge to assist you with any and all part of your job search. We currently have temporary work for folks that need short-term funds. We will act as a consultant to businesses that need a 90-day plan – free of charge. We promise to go above and beyond in our individual communities. If you need help in any way, simply fill out this quick form and we’ll connect you with a helping hand. No strings attached.

What Ted Lasso Taught Me About Life

I am not sure how you’re choosing to distract yourself these days – lately the world seems to be oh so serious all of the time. If you listen to or read Outside Insights content, you’re familiar with my journey and my recipe for living your best life. I read, meditate, do yoga, work out and (occasionally) watch what I eat. I also watch T.V., hey, we all have our vices. In a household where watching T.V. together is almost impossible, my wife Kim and I agree on one show: Ted Lasso. Have you heard of Ted Lasso? This Emmy winning series is a sports comedy-drama based around an American college football coach who is hired to coach an English soccer team in the Premier League. That’s right, an American football coach trying to convince a very knowledgeable English fan base he can coach even though he knows little about the sport. I am not Ted, but I do identify with him in many ways. I was a high school football player, and although often injured, was not too awful of a Defensive End. I went on to coach soccer for 15 years from socceroos, to travel, junior varsity and eventually head coach of the high school team. I’m not trying to convince you to watch the show, though I highly recommend you give it a shot. I do, however, want to share lessons I think we can all glean from Ted. These are lessons I already work on and believe are relevant for all of us to get to where we want to go in life.

What We Can Learn from Ted

Ted is a leader. He makes connections and builds relationships with his team, his boss, and quite frankly, everyone from ticket takers to security guards. He works at it. He makes emotional connections. And he never just goes through the motions. Ted models the way. This is what role models and leaders do. He doesn’t expect out of others what he isn’t already doing himself. He’s vulnerable and gives his team the courage to be vulnerable too. Ted approaches life with a positive lens. He always sees the good in others and in situations. One of my soccer team’s values was “nothing negative said, nothing negative received”. We all have a choice to be complicit in an insult or harsh tone and we can always take the high road. Ted has a clear understanding of his personal core values and his leadership philosophy. A lot of leaders and coaches that are very successful don’t know what they stand for. We all burn a lot of time and energy chasing ideas and work that does not fit who we are. Time that would be better spent if we had a guiding compass. Do you have a set of personal core values? You can learn how to define and map them out here. Ted overcomes unique challenges. Not many of us will find ourselves overseas coaching a sport we have little experience in. That said, I think we can all identify with imposter syndrome, feeling like a fish out of water and the feeling of barely keeping your head above water all at once. To be successful in navigating these challenges, Ted didn’t need years of experience or an impressive resume. Yes, that would’ve helped. But because of his characteristics I outlined above, he can take any challenge, learn, make effective decisions, and lead a team. I’ve tried a lot of things in my life and have many more goals yet to tackle. I feel well equipped to handle whatever comes my way – whether it’s running Placers, coaching a team, starting a non-profit, or writing a book, because of the practices and behaviors that I’ve learned through the years. Leaders know who they are, they’re clear on their leadership philosophy, they’re good human beings. That’s how I see Ted Lasso, and how I choose to live each day. Do you have a guiding principle that has helped you navigate challenges and achieve goals, no matter what they were? Reply and let me know. Until next time, friends. Chris

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At Placers we are making the following Acts of Kindness Promises: We will be your career coach free of charge to assist you with any and all part of your job search. We currently have temporary work for folks that need short-term funds. We will act as a consultant to businesses that need a 90-day plan – free of charge. We promise to go above and beyond in our individual communities. If you need help in any way, simply fill out this quick form and we’ll connect you with a helping hand. No strings attached.

The Never-Ending Pandemic

Yesterday I read a meme that referenced the never-ending pandemic. “The new normal” had gone on so long that I had time to get in shape once…and then get out of shape again. I know this is how many of us feel right now. It’s like the pandemic 15 (which is a real thing), not just for the body, but for the mind too. We have now had time to double down and proclaim all kinds of new habits or pandemic resolutions. At the start of the pandemic, many made lemons out of lemonade. We got in shape since we did not have a commute. We started family game night because we needed to spend more quality time together. Some of us dug really deep and took a risk after deciding we never really liked our career and that it was time for a change. This makes me wonder, how many goals, new hobbies, etc. have we forgotten about since the first wave of the pandemic – one where the idea of time at home was more novel than routine. So ask yourself the question: What life challenge did you address early in the pandemic? Did you stick with it or did it fall to the wayside? Many of us need help or motivation to get back at it. I hope there is support in numbers. I’ll go first. On Sunday, I was getting ready for the wedding of a close friend. I reached in my closet for the old wedding suit, the one I wore a couple of times a year during pre-pandemic life. I could have worn the suit…if and only if I had one of those seat belt extenders they give you on airplanes. What had happened to all my health and wellness progress? After that realization, I proclaimed to my family that I am going to eat for my rheumatoid arthritis, consume foods that support, not cause inflammation. And yes, I hope to lose my pandemic, ahem, 17. So there you have it. My goal is now out there – for our big community to see. Hold me to it. All of this got me thinking about the rest of you. We all need each other’s support, right now more than ever. Everyone has their version of my pandemic 17. What goals did you start at the beginning of the pandemic, or whenever, really, that you want to get back to? Take a moment to envision those.

Now, here’s what I’m going to do to get back on track – I hope these steps help you, too.

– I will press play. This is the most basic, yet most important advice, that I practice. I will pick myself back up and I will get to a healthy weight again. Starting is the most important step.

– Have grace. It’s hard to not beat myself up. My self and public image is of a person who is self-disciplined in all facets of life. At the same time, forgiving myself comes easy to me. I try hard to put things in perspective and think “will this story be important in a year or ten?”

– Find some way to love whatever happens in your life. This is straight up philosophy borrowed from the greats and from the great author Ryan Holiday. We must find the good in our lives. We only get to do this once. And a funny thing about adversity, even though it’s hard right now, good things often come if we take the time to really notice.

– Focus on what you can control. This is not as simple if you see or feel the pain and problems around you. But reflect on the notion that you can only control what’s between your ears. That’s real estate you really truly own.

– Don’t go it alone. Ask for help. Even when you think you don’t need it.

No matter what you’re facing or thinking about with this very long pandemic, someone is there to help. And there is always something you can do. As always, the Placers Community provides an avenue to share what you know and to help others close their gaps. If you’re comfortable, please share the goals you’re working on and your tips for making sure you stick to them. We’re all in this together. Until next time, friends. Chris

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At Placers we are making the following Acts of Kindness Promises: We will be your career coach free of charge to assist you with any and all part of your job search. We currently have temporary work for folks that need short-term funds. We will act as a consultant to businesses that need a 90-day plan – free of charge. We promise to go above and beyond in our individual communities. If you need help in any way, simply fill out this quick form and we’ll connect you with a helping hand. No strings attached.

Questions that will help you be a better teammate

At many points in our lifetime, we’re put into positions where others depend on us to be a good teammate. You’re a teammate to your colleague at the office, your partner on a college partner, your roommate, and your significant other. These people depend on you. How do you know that you’re upholding your end of the bargain?

I remember the struggle of working as a team on projects and presentations in college, and I bet you do too. It was hard to get work done. Someone always did too much, and someone always got more credit than they deserved. Many teams ultimately finish their projects, but not as great teammates. In fact, most of them probably never speak again. I’m surprised at how bad people can be at being teammates – myself included in some situations. In business, salespeople don’t let the delivery team know that more sales are coming. Leaders don’t share updates from their off sites, etc. All things that could and would help their people do their jobs better. At home, we ignore when it’s our turn to do the dishes, and at a deeper level, we don’t communicate our needs or listen when the other person tells us theirs. When actions are small, we usually don’t stop to really consider the impact of them. But if there’s one thing that the Outside Insights community knows, it’s that change happens in small steps. Habits are formed. In terms of being a good teammate, garbage in equals garbage out. For the most part, people are smart, knowledgeable, capable, productive – but these attributes alone do not make you a great teammate.

Here are a few behaviors and characteristics that I’ve learned make great someone a better teammate:

1) Are you considerate? Do have the ability and willingness to have empathy and understand how your work and actions will impact others. Perhaps you’re working on something that will cause a spike in work for another dept or for your own group? Do you let them know in advance? Do you hand the work off to someone else? 2) Are you an over communicator? So many challenges in life and work stem from problems with communication. So, why not practice over-communication? Tell everybody everything regardless of role or title. It seems to me today that leaders and households need all of the help they can get. Leaders don’t have all of the answers. Why not get some help and some input to keep teams informed. 3) Are you capable and knowledgeable? Some folks don’t know what they don’t know. Think about when you were a know-it-all teenager. We must be dedicated to knowledge, to always becoming a better version of ourselves. Good teammates can pull their weight. Can be productive. Can help others when needed. Good teammates don’t let others do their jobs for long. They grow into and carry the load that’s expected of their role on the team. 4) Do you make your teammates better? Good teammates help others become the best version of themselves. They share information. They communicate clearly and succinctly when giving updates. They are willing to teach and learn from one another. Teammates stop what they are doing to help and know when to rally the troops when more help is needed. When working with others, at work or at home, what behaviors do you appreciate when it comes to your teammates? How do you intentionally work to be a good teammate to others? Reply and let me know. Until next time, Chris

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At Placers we are making the following Acts of Kindness Promises: We will be your career coach free of charge to assist you with any and all part of your job search. We currently have temporary work for folks that need short-term funds. We will act as a consultant to businesses that need a 90-day plan – free of charge. We promise to go above and beyond in our individual communities. If you need help in any way, simply fill out this quick form and we’ll connect you with a helping hand. No strings attached.

The Day Your Second Life Begins: Thoughts on Happiness

Summer time is about fun, travel (finally) and spending time outside with friends and family. The season also presents an opportune time for self reflection, to learn and to grow. A favorite Outside Insights topic, I have often asked you all: How much time do you set aside to work on and get to know yourself? How do you intentionally make adjustments to achieve the life you want?

Today, I want to share a new perspective on my personal journey to find and be happy. I’m not sure where you currently are on the spectrum of happiness. The truth is, I was never really happy as a young person. I was driven, energetic, restless, and in perpetual motion. But, I was not happy. I was always rushing to get through my workday, and then my weekend, checking off trips to the pharmacy and cutting the grass like I would meetings and sales calls during the week. I was anxious and unsettled. I often “joked ” that I was the “What’s Next” leader. During team meetings, if I learned that someone did something special, finished a project or landed a big customer, I would inevitably not recognize nor celebrate the win. I would often reply “That’s great, however, did you get to the other thing that I asked you?” I’m ashamed to admit that now, but it was a learning stage in my leadership journey. I was always worrying about the past (which I can’t change nor control) and trying to overly engineer the future. When I was 21, I wanted to be a Vice President and married with a nice house. Time went on and I wanted a better car, nicer things and a bigger role. I tried to find happiness in material things. This never works well nor does the joy last as long as we want it to. Once I started Placers 2.0, things got worse not better. The more I achieved, there was always more to do than available time. At work, At home. In Life. I was forever busy, in motion and chasing the day. Achieving everything I had thought I wanted did not make me happy. I didn’t achieve happiness until I decided to be happy.

“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one” – Confucius

You must pause to celebrate life along the way. Life is a marathon, if we are lucky. Lifting your head from the day-to-day chaos and noticing the “little” things around you can remind you how beautiful life is and how much you have to be grateful for. You have the power to define your own definition of happiness and to make changes when the life you’re living no longer serves the person that you are.

And I choose to live my life intentionally my way, because:

– I realized that as hard as I might try, most things are out of my control, but… – I will always have total control of my thoughts and my reaction to events. – I get to attribute meaning to daily events and I can choose to think of them as good or as bad. – I understand that as events happen in my life, nothing is black and white, good or bad. It’s all about perspective. – And finally, whatever happens in my life is simply part of my journey. I no longer resist the unpleasant. I am ok with it and I accept it.

The key is to be here right now. The present is truly a gift. You can’t fix the past and we can’t always bend reality and make tomorrow happen the way we want. All we have is right now. Many of us jokingly say “I wish I could be a kid again, just for one day.” What’s so special about being a kid? It’s the moments where they’re playing and laughing and 100% in the present moment. They’re not thinking about the past or the future. Just the now. All of us can learn something from that – and you don’t need a time machine to feel that way again. So, where can you begin? Spend a little time journaling, discovering you, and working towards happiness. Here are some of my favorite prompts:

– Create a one sentence happiness mantra that you can say to yourself each morning… – Write about an act of kindness you witnessed today. – Write your favorite memory. – Write down 3 things you would tell your younger self. – What did you love to do as a kid? – Write three things your younger self would say to yourself 10 years from now.

I’d like to do something different in an upcoming blog, and I need your help. I’d like to share perspectives from you all around the topic of happiness, how you define it, moments that inspired you to change your life, and moments where you felt at peace. Head to this link to share your anonymous stories. I’ll share a few within an upcoming piece so that we can all learn from one another. I can’t wait to hear from you. Until next time, friends. Chris

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At Placers we are making the following Acts of Kindness Promises: We will be your career coach free of charge to assist you with any and all part of your job search. We currently have temporary work for folks that need short-term funds. We will act as a consultant to businesses that need a 90-day plan – free of charge. We promise to go above and beyond in our individual communities. If you need help in any way, simply fill out this quick form and we’ll connect you with a helping hand. No strings attached.